My life is incredible. My husband is amazing. My kids are the best. I may not have everything, but I am quite content with the way things are. I love being happy and feeling great about myself. I love being healthy and knowing better. I do, occasionally, listen to the wrong side of my conscience when it comes to things like “Let’s just leave this class tonight and study at the beach”, but that’s really it. I have a clear conscience, otherwise. I do my best. I try to be as kind and considerate as possible. I believe in Karma and that people will always be served their just desserts, no matter what form. Maybe, literally, it’ll be a dessert that makes someone who made you swerve off of the road very, very sick. I have trouble agreeing with speed limits in certain places, like where a 45 should most definitely be a 55 – at least. I don’t know everything, but I am wiser than I seem. I do listen to others, regardless of our differences, and comply accordingly as long as I feel it’s ethical or morally good. I don’t like to kill bugs; I like to release them. We recently caught, fed & set a black widow spider free. As freaked out as I was, I felt great about it. I don’t give money to people on the off-ramps, simply because I don’t carry cash. I do, however, give them sustenance if my family doesn’t necessarily need it, like the three cold Capri Suns I gave to a very grateful man on a very hot day last summer. I believe in animal rights and not hunting or fishing for sport. I fish, yes, but I eat what I catch and use the remains in compost. I think you should only hunt if you’re going to utilize all parts of the animal. I hate buffets. I think they’re disgusting and horrible ideas because too many people can’t control themselves when it comes to food and use the excuse of “getting their money’s worth” or “it’s there, so I might as well try it”. I have so many thoughts in my head that I am only recently letting come out. I take most opportunities I can to speak out against what I think is wrong, although I should be more outspoken. I call people out. I like adventure and being outdoors. I love the sun on my skin, the moon and the stars, the rain pouring down, the thunder and lightning, the sounds of rushing and flowing water, all the nature around me. I hate most places we pass through on the interstate because they’re abandoned wastes of space that trees were cut down for, and now no one cares about them. I believe in Assisted Suicide. I feel that that topic doesn’t get discussed anymore. To me, “assisted suicide” is to “consensual sex” as “murder” is to “rape”. According to my husband and many of his workmates of the present and past, I apparently intimidate people, although I’m very amicable. I love rollercoasters and the one time I got to go skydiving. I’d like to be an instructor some day, although the first time I jumped out it didn’t occur to me to be afraid because, then, I didn’t care whether I lived or died. I like to talk. I like to sing. I like to scribble. I like to take photos and read, though I need to do these more. I like to find the beauty in things; in nature, in technology, in death, in everything. I may not find people attractive initially, but oftentimes the more I like their personality and mind, the more I find them attractive. If I see they are ugly inside, they stay that way, and I tend to avoid them. I don’t know why I felt compelled to write all this. I think I just needed to vent and all this just came out instead. But this is me. This is a sample of who I am. This can be my biography, for all the pages that ask.

All these frickin’ “Tips From Former Smokers” commercials, man…

I can’t eat when they come on. *wretching*

Today was an absolute success!! I actually did Chest & Triceps today and was extremely pleased to not have to lower the weight of the dumbbells/barbell I was lifting even after my hiatus. My eating was also amazingly on track! I felt like I was eating less but didn’t get hungry at all. Nothing but satisfaction today. Vielen Dank!

In other news, I finally made an appointment to get advised in the (drumroll, please) Health, Leisure & Exercise Science Department. I am so fucking excited about studying Exercise Science. After much thought and reevaluating as to where I want to go in life, I have decided that that’s where I want to be.

I need to get back to my husband now, though. The kids are asleep, and we aren’t tired!! Must…take…advantage…of…this.

Well, well, well…

This last week has really sucked. Everything on our trip was going so well with us being able to work out daily, but the day that we left….*slaps head*. I don’t know why I thought having certain sugary snacks was a great idea. I guess it was because I was doing so damn well. Well, we got back & got back to my routine but then missed a day. And then another. Then worked out. And missed another…. And so on and so forth. A horrible pattern that lead to my feeling of disgust and shame now. Nonetheless, today is a new day and the day I am determined to get back on my program and push myself even harder. Today, though, I think I’ll start with Yoga. My entire body is just so freakin’ sore from Leg Day a couple days ago and puking quite a bit after having a little too much to drink with my husband later that night. So…Yoga today, followed by Biceps and Triceps in the afternoon when Alex comes home. Despite the fact that I see myself in the mirror and just think “How disgusting!” (my harsh criticism), I feel great about today so that’s a perfect start already. Plus, I’ve been eating healthily so far and drinking a lot of water. I really should rewrite my workout schedule as well as a food schedule for myself. I’ll see if that happens today. 

“Scrubs” reruns all day, everyday.

Dude! I’ve been drinking so much water lately for some reason that you can hardly tell if I have peed in the toilet. The even cooler thing is that I have always neglected to even have a couple glasses of water let alone over 64 ounces per day for the last 4 or 5 days AND it doesn’t make me feel bloated or heavy or like I’m going to vomit. It’s frickin’ awesome that my body’s already gotten used to this amount.

So. Frickin’. Awesome.

On another note, I know I haven’t posted lately, but everything is going great. I’ve actually stopped the Squat Challenge and decided to stick with the Muffin Topless Summer Challenge and start from Week 1, Day 1. I just want something solid to stick to so I don’t get off track or overwork myself like I’ve done many times before.

Aaaaand on another high note, I’m in the 140’s!! It’s 149.6, mind you, but it’s great seeing a new set of numbers, you know. Heigh ho, Silver!

drink all the water

Note to Self…

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When I was starting this journey, all I could think about was how long it’d take to see and feel progress, and I’d continuously doubt myself in reaching my goals (actually, I haven’t really set goals….Shit! I need to do that today.). Before long, I could feel the difference in my strength in cardio and later everywhere else, especially my legs. It has also helped with how I see things and how I am emotionally (for the most part). I feel like I let myself enjoy more. It’s so motivating when I feel like I’m lost in whatI’m doing and end up looking back to where I was. I’ve come a long way, my husband tells me & now I see, and have never felt so healthy! I’ve been obese, I’ve been bulimic, I was working towards anorexia, I’ve been a chain smoker, I’ve starved myself, I’ve fasted for no reason medical or religious, I’ve been overweight, I’ve found and used so many ways to lose weight and curb my appetite; I was a fucking idiot! It was Alex who saved me, who made me feel like I could do anything. So finally, with the time, sense & motivation to do it and all excuses out the window, I’m finally where I am now and headed in the right direction. I’m can’t wait to see more progress! I can’t wait to see what else I will be able to do. Life is pretty damn good.

04/30: Legs & Back

04/30: Legs & Back

After a day’s of rest from being extremely sore from Chest & Shoulders, I came back strong and completed my leg and back work for the day. Unlike my back, my legs are not as sore as I had expected them to be, but I know I worked hard and put a lot of effort into my workout yesterday as well as changed things up a bit. Today, I have half an hour of intense, non-stop abdominal work with Michelle which is a zone I’ve been sporadically working on; biceps and triceps. I hate that the PRTs are going on right now that the free weight area (as well as some of the machines) are 3x more occupied than usual, making it more crowded and making me feel less comfortable. Nonetheless, I still kicked some ass yesterday. It feels good feeling confident and tough and feeling like that’s the vibe you’re giving off.