“i shot the clerk? i shot the clerk?!”

(w00t!)^2  I finally got back to working out, but it’s not the schedule that I’ve been working with.  It’s P90x, still but I only brought the Cardio and Core Synergistics discs with me to Halle’s house.  I didn’t want to lug around a sh*t ton of weights or the pull-up bar or anything.  But this will be enough to keep me occupied and not feeling gross about eating while Alex is gone.  I guess it’ll come up some time, so why not now: I have been battling with Bulimia for over three years.  I’ve been doing so much better since I met Alex and even more so since Isabella’s started brewin’.  However, I still have urges to binge and purge when Alex is not around.  I get stressed out, frustrated, or I just feel fat – even if I haven’t gained any weight, or even if I’ve lost weight – and I don’t eat.  And, if I do, I stick to stuff like bread, pasta and popcorn.  And, of course, I hate myself for it.  And this goes on over and over and over……and over again until I stand up to myself and stop it.

So, enough about my eating issues and whatnot.  It gets so boring, and I don’t want to make it sound like “Oh, have pity on me.  I’m unable to control myself” although eating disorders are psychological, not only a matter or self-control or lack thereof.  As selfish as that may sound towards the rest of the population with eating disorders, I only mean to direct this towards my own.  And so if you ask why I don’t like talking about my “lack of control”, it’s because I’m going to conquer that motherf*cker.  Eat a d*ck, b*tch!


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