(w00t!)^2 I finally got back to working out, but it’s not the schedule that I’ve been working with. It’s P90x, still but I only brought the Cardio and Core Synergistics discs with me to Halle’s house. I didn’t want to lug around a sh*t ton of weights or the pull-up bar or anything. But this will be enough to keep me occupied and not feeling gross about eating while Alex is gone. I guess it’ll come up some time, so why not now: I have been battling with Bulimia for over three years. I’ve been doing so much better since I met Alex and even more so since Isabella’s started brewin’. However, I still have urges to binge and purge when Alex is not around. I get stressed out, frustrated, or I just feel fat – even if I haven’t gained any weight, or even if I’ve lost weight – and I don’t eat. And, if I do, I stick to stuff like bread, pasta and popcorn. And, of course, I hate myself for it. And this goes on over and over and over……and over again until I stand up to myself and stop it.
So, enough about my eating issues and whatnot. It gets so boring, and I don’t want to make it sound like “Oh, have pity on me. I’m unable to control myself” although eating disorders are psychological, not only a matter or self-control or lack thereof. As selfish as that may sound towards the rest of the population with eating disorders, I only mean to direct this towards my own. And so if you ask why I don’t like talking about my “lack of control”, it’s because I’m going to conquer that motherf*cker. Eat a d*ck, b*tch!