“it’s gonna happen, happen some time, maybe this time i’ll win”

You ask me the  rhetorical question of “Can I tell you a story?”, receive a response as well as an explanation for that response, yet you continue to give me an oral trailer of the story that’s not to come because I purposely locked myself in my room until the fame died down in order to avoid the afore-mentioned story, then you have the audacity to call me selfish for not wanting to listen to yet another story that’s bound to make me feel bad about not wanting to spend every single godd*mn second with Isabella?!

F*ck you!


I love my baby  I love my baby. I love my baby

This I must remind myself when I get frustrated with her.

I hate when I am with my parents and I ask them to hold Isa so I can get a break from her and all she wants is me and I am the only one who get her to stop f*cking crying because no one wants to f*cking help or cares about the fact that I’m about to explode and they tell me not to get frustrated when I can’t f*cking help it like they never got f*cking annoyed when they had trouble getting time to themselves and didn’t get time to JUST F*CKING RELAX!!

Honestly, would they rather me let my frustration slowly and lightly be released in the form of me just playing a game or writing or something, or would they much prefer that I get angry and snap on my baby, most likely becoming violent?  (All you f*ckers who aren’t parents, don’t you think I’m a bad mom because of this because this frustration happens.  Take for example the people who end up shaking their babies to death.  And all you parents who say you never get or got frustrated, Shut the f*ck up, you lousy lying, sons of b*tches!!)

At least my husband has been helping out more.  I can nap while he watches her, and he can feed her more oftennow that she’s been eating baby food and formula in addition to my amazing, self-produced milk.  I am so grateful for this, and I love and appreciate my husband so much.  Isabella, unfortunately, also pulls the “I want my mama!” card even when her daddy has her.  And because of that, she doesn’t give him much of a chance to be her buddy, which makes Alex feel like incompetent father at times.  I wish she would stop acting that way because he is a great father, who loves her so very much.

But, yes, despite all of her crybabyness at times, I love my sweet little pumpkin girl.  She (and her daddy) are my whole world.

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