“Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.”

Tomorrow, my dear Alex leaves for Jacksonville – for the fourth time this year.  This time, however, it’s only four days, so I won’t be driving down.  Besides, we are once again tight on money.  But the first of each month is the more restricting payday, so it’s no surprise.  Payday is Wednesday!  Anywho, he’s been working later than usual because of some extra work they’re doing on the craft he mans.  I feel like I haven’t seen him that much this week.  Maybe I’m just stressing.  But I feel so alone.  I feel almost like he’s just a guy friend with benefits who visits me each afternoon.  I don’t like feeling that way.  He’s my husband.  He is the love of my life, my soulmate.  I love him so much.  And I miss him.

Isabella is the craziest little mama’s girl.  She has learned to associate her “mama” sound with me, but I still am not sure whether or not she has said her first word, technically.  Especially because she’s been saying “mama” for a couple months now whenever she is sad or upset.  Anyway, she crawls everywhere, so my Christmas list includes lots of baby safety items.  Haha.

Well, Isa is asleep, and I need to dry my hair.  Cheerio, doll.

*I want you to change my perspective on certain dates.  How can I enjoy them with such bad memories to associate them with? How can I love life with that on my mind?  Create new memories for me.  Good ones.  Great ones.  I still love you.*


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