I love my family. There is nothing in the world better than them and no where else I’d rather be than with them. I could be in the worst of moods; I could be fuming and smoke could be coming out of my ears; I could be on the verge of wanting to choke someone until his or her head popped off and blood so cartoonishly spewed from his or her neck like a fountain. But then I stop in my tracks and think of them. What would happen to them if I did something so stupid or really lost my temper? What would happen to me? What would happen to the assh*le who put me in this mood? Yeah, that last one was a joke because I really wouldn’t care.

Anyway, today I decided to try and take things a little differently. What happened? Oh, reckless drivers, you know. No offense to all you caucasians, but it’s usually y’all (especially older caucasian women) whom I’ve noticed driving like this way too often. Needless to say, the culprit today was just that: A middle-aged, suburbanite, white woman in an SUV and acting like she owned the road. That’s not the point, though. What happened was I was driving behind someone who didn’t know where they were going and so we end up going just a little above the speed, as opposed to to the regular “5 mph above” or the not-too-rare 10 over that we see down that road. Some dumb bitch decided, “Oh, they’re going way too slow for me. No way I’m going the speed limit. No, sir!” So she leave from behind me, gets up on the ass of the car in the next lane, waits until she has about 2 feet of space, flashes her blinker*** once, and jumps in front of me. I lay down my horn as she continues her reckless driving, cutting off two other cars and weaving down the street like a f*cking idiot. I try to relax, remembering that I have my two little butterballs in the car with me as well as my big baby, Alex. But that doesn’t last too long. I speed up to catch up with her, determined to follow her home and just let her and the rest of her neighborhood know what a f*cking ignorant b*tch she is and given her a scenario as to what could have happened had she clipped our car at almost 50 mph and what could have happened to my family because she wanted to act all high and mighty on the road. (Oh, another thing…she unsurprisingly turned out to be one of the hypocritical Christians, and those are the best ones, the hypocrites. Yeah, pretty sure you’re supposed to be humble, not an assh*le. Calm to f*ck down, b*tch! Not dis’ing Christians – just hypocrites of any sort, but she just happened to be a Christian woman.)

Back to the story, fate had it so that we were at the same red light and would be for another few minutes. So, once I stop the car, I get out and knock on her window calmly. The cowardly b*tch mouths something, refusing to look at me the whole time and just tries to ignore me. Seeing that I wasn’t going to be able to just ask to her to at least consider driving safely or like a sane person, I end up going for the next best thing that’s not considered a crime. I spit on her window. The end.

Yeah, sorry the story wasn’t more fun. I just never get to do anything, and that just sucks sometimes not being able to call people out, especially when they’re basically in a gigantic, mobile weapon and obviously selfish as sh*t and not willing to consider anyone else’s safety.

***What? Is your blinker broken or something? Can’t figure out how to use it? Spent all that money on your car but can’t f*cking drive it? For your information, all of you a’holes who think flashing your blinker once is good enough no matter what your distance is: EH!! Wrong! It’s called the “3-5 second rule” (2, 4 & 10 seconds in some places, depending on distances as well as driving conditions.). For those of you who don’t use it, stick it up your ass, since you don’t seem to know WTF it’s for. Also, CONSIDER YOUR DAMN DISTANCE, TOO!! Go take your driver’s test again, f*ckers!

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